Missing Ally today

I have been extremely emotional today.  I haven't had the best week.  As many of you know Ally's birthday was on Wednesday.  That day I wan't really emotional.  We had just adopted a dog the Saturday before and I was beyond stressed.  We were trying to crate train the dog.  We now live in Saratoga Springs and our girls our buried in Holiday.  We don't get down much to see them.  My dad had invited us to lunch also and we thought since we were going down already we would meet him.  We went to lunch got some balloons and flowers for Ally and went to the cemetery.  After digging the snow off of her grave. We sang happy birthday and placed the balloons and flowers on her grave.  I felt kind of bad that I wasn't emotional.  But man did it hit me today.  There has been a lot of family drama going on this week and we gave the dog back to the shelter yesterday.  Today I just can't stop crying.  I have been also under a lot of stress.  I have been sleeping tones and never feel as though I have gotten enough sleep.  Today at church the lesson was on Motherhood which made it harder too.  Do you know that Ally would have been 4 this year?  I miss her lots today.  The sunday after her birthday.

Loosing our puppy made me think of my Girlies

A couple of weeks ago we adopted a pit bull/ mastiff puppy from KSL.  She was so darling.  She learned potty training in one day and we a doll.  We named her Zicies after a character in Glee.  We adopted her on Monday.  Tuesday was quite hectic. I am currently teaching ballet in my basement and I had just started the week before.  Being a puppy I knew that she needed to go out once every hour and immediately after she ate.  I had back to back classes Tuesday night and was afraid that I couldn't get her out every hour.  Luckily one of the students had to leave early from the first class so I could take her out.  That night Zicies started to gag and throw up clear mucus. I didn't really think about it.  We had had a dog who did that all the time.  Josh's sister is a dog border and walker and just happened to be on chat on Facebook the next morning.  Zicies wasn't eating and seemed very sick.  She just laid on a blanket I had got for her all day and didn't even move much.  Concerned I asked Josh's sister what I should do.  She told me to make an appointment with the vet.  So I did.  Little did I know that would be the last vet visit and time I saw Zicies.  The vet did a test and Zicies was positive for Parvo.  A deadly decease that basically starves the dog to death.  It is highly contagious and usually happens in puppies that have not been nursed by there mother who has been vaccinated.  Zi was only 8 weeks.  I called Josh's sister to see what I should do.  I tried Josh lots of times but he had worked the night before and was sleeping.  Josh's sister told me that we should probably put her down.  Treatment would cost $1000 and only has a 50% chance of saving dogs.  Puppies are worse.  I finally got a hold of Josh and told him that he needed to come to the vet.  I also told him that would have to put down Zi.  He arrived and through many tears we said our Good Byes. We took our small baby home and buried her on the side of our house.  I lost it.  I cried all night.  I didn't want to be home.  Josh had to work that night and I think it was one of the hardest nights since Ally died. Loosing yet another living thing brought back all the memories of losing my girls.  Even though we only had Zicies for 3 days I was very attached.  I tried to link it to something.  This happened because this needed to happen. But when it came down to it.  It just happened.  Not really for any reason.  I have been extremely depressed and feel like I'm not in control of anything.  This experience has affected me deeply.  The only thing that really gives me comfort is the fact that Zicies is with my girls who I'm sure will take great care of her until I see them all again.

my new favorite picture

Baby Angels Kiss Bouguereau